


Now and then

by bestaceinspace



Category: The Avengers (2012)
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-05-15
Updated: 2013-05-15
Packaged: 2017-12-11 23:32:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/804514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bestaceinspace/pseuds/bestaceinspace
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Steve couldn’t hear it, he thought, while resting a hand on Steve’s hair, but he sure could feel, even in his sleep, Tony’s heart beating I love you I love you I love you against his ear.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Now and then

**Author's Note:**

> I suck at titles and this is really 'fluff'. Oh well and I'm sorry for any mistakes since I don't have a beta...

Steve has a habit. Tony noticed in one of the nights they spent together, sharing a bed. Steve’d always spread his arms around Tony in a protective way, breathing against the skin of his neck, sometimes squeezing and moving his body against Tony’s while he was sleeping. But that was nothing new and Tony was used to it, he even felt comfortable in Steve’s hold and missed it when they were away from each other or had to spend days apart, and that alone was something Tony didn’t experience in a long time. However, what really surprised him was how, one night, Steve held him tighter, waking Tony up. He murmured an ‘hmmm what?’ when he noticed Steve was still asleep, breathing regularly and calm, a tiny little smile on his lips. Tony scratched his eyes and looked down at Steve and that’s when he noticed. One of the soldier’s hands was on the arc reactor, a touch so soft and warm Tony could barely feel, but more incredibly, a touch that didn’t caused any panic or pain on him because it felt right, like everything was in its perfect place. Just like Steve was. Is.

Slowly, almost like he could count the space between every up and down of Tony’s chest, Steve moved against him once more, this time letting his head rest against Tony’s chest, right next to his heart. His hand didn’t move an inch away from the arc reactor, like it was some important treasure he had been given the mission to protect with his own life. Tony quietly watched over him the whole time, noticing Steve’s smile grow bigger and brighter as he mumbled something Tony couldn’t understand. Something with his name in the middle and just that, the little touch against Tony’s chest, seemed to make Steve incredibly happy and calm. His breath was in such a perfect rhythm and his expression in such peace, in a way Tony hadn’t seen in a long time. A time when all that crossed Tony’s mind were nightmares, screams and a desperate Steve, holding him by his shirt, haunted by ghosts from the past and present. He could even still remember the words they said to each other just as he would never forget the way Steve looked at him this one time, when he woke Tony up in the middle of the night, screaming. It was the first time, Tony thought, he ever saw Steve crying. He seemed just so desperate he didn’t even look at all like the Steve he knew, throwing at Tony mixed up phrases like ‘please, please’ and ‘make it stop’ while still lost in a state between reality and dreams. It was just after a few moments of struggling against Tony’s hold and after Tony whispered non stopping against Steve’s ear things like ‘shhhh, Steve, Steve, it’s me’ to what Steve’s response was just ‘no, no, please’ and ‘I can’t stop it, make it stop’. Tony then held him even tighter, so much he thought he could have broken the man in two if he wasn’t an unbeatable super soldier and much bigger than Tony, swinging his and Steve’s body together, hoping his words would turn into lullabies to bring him back to reality. 

‘It’s Tony, it’s me, Steve, everything is okay, and you are safe now’ and it was when finally Steve broke apart from him, looking Tony deeply in the eyes, blue shining in recognition, tears still falling down his cheeks. ‘Tony’, he said in relief, hugging him again, hiding his face against the curve of Tony’s neck. ‘Tony’, he said again to make sure Tony was the person he thought he was. ‘Yes, yes it’s me’, Tony said, his arms around Steve’s waist. ‘You are safe’, he added just to make sure Steve knew, ‘you are safe now’. Then everything happened in a rush and it was like Tony’s head started spinning when Steve broke apart again only to crush their mouths together, hard and desperate, sucking almost all the air out of Tony’s lungs, making him stop and pull Steve away for a while to just catch his breath. ‘S-Steve wha-‘, he left it out without finishing as Steve, a mess of tears and sweat from the nightmare, pulled him back, one hand already slipping under his shirt. It wasn’t usual for Steve to act like that and, well, Tony needed it too, but he also had to make sure Steve was still there. There with him, because that was what mattered to him the most. ‘Steve’, he broke apart again. Steve was breathing fast, his chest going up and down, hand still under Tony’s shirt and it felt so good Tony hated himself for making him stop. He needed to feel Steve alive again after having to hold him cold against his body for so long. ‘I’m sorry’, Steve breathed out, resting his forehead against Tony’s. ‘It’s okay’, he heard in response. ‘No, I mean, the nightmare, it was just so vivid… I can’t’, he stopped to breathe again, ‘I can’t imagine how it would be if’, he didn’t look Tony in the eyes. ‘You…’

Died. He thought but didn’t say it. ‘I’m very much alive, Steve, and you were basically going to devour me if I hadn’t make you stop, not that I should have made you stop but—‘, he said, suddenly interrupted by Steve’s laugh and it felt so good to hear him laugh again that Tony had to join him. ‘What?’, Tony said, ‘I can’t remember you laughing at my jokes… Wait, was that a joke? Cause I really hope it wasn’t when you rushed at me like that.’ That’s when Steve kissed him again. ‘Tony, shut up’, he said. ‘Because I love you’, and leaned in for another kiss. ‘And because I need to feel you again’, another kiss and then he broke apart for the last time before rushing at Tony again, rocking their bodies together, ‘Real’, he finished.  
“I can smell your brain burning with your thoughts”, Steve’s voice grabbed him and took him back to the present. He looked incredibly cute, sleepy and confused, leaning on his elbows and turning to face Tony. And Tony… He was left with a feeling of emptiness when he noticed how cold it got when Steve let it go of the arc reactor and his body. Instinctively, Tony put a hand over the blue circle in his chest, covering it, causing Steve to look at him even more worried.

“Tony, are you okay?” He asked. Tony looked at him, not moving his hand. He just… How could Steve make him feel this way by only asking him if he was okay or by something so simple as a touch or a hold? He felt his heart speed a bit, but the arc reactor was still shinning blue like it always was. “Are you feeling something?” Steve asked and Tony knew, just by looking at him, that if he kept quiet it would only make it worse, but he simply didn’t know how to speak it, because he didn’t even know what he was supposed to speak about. It was confusing and his head was a mess and he didn’t understand why, and he hated not understanding things. But maybe… Maybe the problem was it is something too simply for his brain to process, something that didn’t need any calculation or theory to be explained. Seeing that he wouldn’t speak, Steve looked at his hand and before Tony could say anything about it, he held their hands together on top of the arc reactor, knotting their fingers together.

“I hope this is not the problem, Tony”, Steve said, “’Cause it shouldn’t be.”

“Don’t tell me you don’t mind it”, Tony asked, unsure. “I mean, sometimes.”

“No”, Steve said, kissing him and leaning in to rest his head on Tony’s chest again, “I love it as much as I love you because it keeps you here.” 

And Tony couldn’t help but smiling down at him, feeling like such an idiot for how happy he was about it. About everything. His heart seemed to skip a beat, but, at that moment, he was sure it was not the ‘terrible privilege’, like he sometimes liked to say, living in the middle of his chest. It had been Steve all along. And, in the end, maybe the problem was that Tony loved him so much he couldn’t put it into words and a simple ‘I love you’ wouldn’t be enough to even begin to explain things or how his heart worked. Steve couldn’t hear it, he thought, while resting a hand on Steve’s hair, but he sure could feel, even in his sleep, Tony’s heart beating I love you I love you I love you against his ear.

“I love you too”, he told Steve, anyway.


End file.
